The Talk
by loverofallthingschocolate
Summary: In which Inoichi tries to give Ino the Talk before her date. ChoIno. Hinted KakaSaku. Crackish.


**A/N: This is a continuation--sort of--to my piece, "Smitten" and a prequel to CTL. **

**This is dedicated to ToastWeasl who requested another ChoIno fic.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, our favorite blond-haired ninja would have noticed Hinata stalking him**

_**The "Talk"**_

Ino nervously pulled at the hem of her dress while Sakura searched her closet for the baby-blue three inch heels that the blonde-haired kunoichi had misplaced.

Glancing in the mirror, Ino could help but criticize herself.

_Ugh. Look at me! My hair looks stupid in that stupid up-do! And my thighs_...

Straightening up, the emerald-eyed woman sent a glare at the best friend.

"Stop it, Ino. You look gorgeous--Chouji won't be able to take his eyes off of you."

Snorting, Ino continued to scrunch her face up in disgust at her appalling reflection.

Rolling her eyes, the pink-haired woman placed her hands on her hips--the blue heels held by their straps in the irate medic's fist.

Sighing in defeat, Ino turned away from the mirror. Smiling slightly, the blonde continued, "Sorry, Sakura. I begged you to come over and then when you do I act like a complete bitch."

Smirking, the beryl-eyed woman responded. "Don't worry, Ino. I'm sure that you will have the chance to repay me someday. Now, lets put everything else behind us and make you so hot that Chouji will have to pick his mouth off of the floor."

Giggling, the duo set about their tasks.

As Ino put on her heels and put on the jewelry that Sakura had picked out, the jounin was picking out the needed make-up.

Within one hour their task was complete.

Stealing a look at the clock, Ino determined that Chouji would arrive at her house to pick her up in ten minutes.

"INO!"

Snickering, the twenty year-old girls walked down the stairs to meet Ino's father.

Inoichi was sitting in the Yamanka living room looking positively ecstatic.

"Ino, dear. I can't tell you how excited I am that you are dating Chouza's boy! He's a good man--he'll be an excellent husband for you and a loving father to your kids."

Sakura's body shook with mirth as the blonde's face turned a hue that out did Hinata's.

"Dad! How can you--I mean--it's just..."

The medic couldn't contain her humor at her best friend's unusual display of stuttering. The blonde sent a scathing glare in her direction--which only served to fuel Sakura's laughter.

"Now, Princess, it was just a comment. Don't be upset with me for wanting adorable grandchildren. Anyways, I'm glad that you are dating him. And it was nice of you to come in get ready in my house instead of your apartment. I barely see you anymore..."

Ino chose not to comment on the fact that she saw him everyday.

She also decided to not tell him that the only reason she was getting ready at his house was because she had yet to move all of her clothes over to her apartment--after all, she had only moved in a few weeks ago--and the particular dress that she wanted to wear was here.

Instead, the blonde opted for rolling her eyes.

Wiping away the tears from his eyes, the blonde-haired man choked back a sob.

Sacra and Ino both sported synchronized sweat-drops.

"Dad, was that all you needed...or..."

Swiftly, Inoichi stiffened. "Right to the point like always, dear. Now Ino, this was something that your mother was going to talk to you about, but she is out on a mission so the task falls to me. I know you may be uncomfortable hearing this from your father, but certain things need to be said."

On cue, both girls went bright red and gulped visibly.

Nervously, Sakura began slowly backing away.

"Well, erm...I think I should be going. I wouldn't want to intrude on your 'Father/Daughter' moment..."

"Nonsense, Sakura. You need to hear this too. After all, your parents---"

Realizing what he just said, Inoichi changed courses.

"Both of you just sit down."

Ino sent a glare towards her father which he returned with a sheepish smile. Stealing a glance at her best friend, Ino almost sighed with relief. At the almost-mentioning of her parent's death on that mission only a year ago, she was afraid the normally-strong woman would break down again. And two years before that, Sasuke had married that Karin woman. Needless to say, Sakura had had a rough couple of years. Luckily, Ino thought, she had her friends to pull her out of her depression.

Sakura walked stiffly to her chair, keeping her tears at bay. Ino followed suit and quickly devised a plan to distract Sakura.

"Sakura, did I ever tell you who left those flowers in your hospital room after you got hurt on that mission?"

Viridian eyes alight with curiosity, the woman looked up at blonde. "You know?"

Grinning, Ino continued. "Yep. I wasn't supposed to tell you because Kakashi doesn't like to--"

"Kakashi gave the sunflowers to me?"

Ino gave herself a mental pat on the back at her friend's now-happy disposition.

"Yeah, after he heard that you were hurt he came into our shop and bought some sunflowers muttering something about good-for-nothing chunnin who can't watch their teammate's back."

Giggling, Sakura fought back the blush that threatening to overtake her face.

Ino watched the display with curiosity. Vaguely, she wondered if Sakura's feelings went beyond friendship when it came to the infamous Copy Nin. Shaking her head, Ino decided to store that thought away for later dissection. But, Ino decided with a grin, if Sakura _did _feel that way about her ex-sensei, she would do everything in her power to get them together.

Coughing rather loudly, Inoichi attempted to regain the twenty-year old's attention.

Coming out of their own little worlds, both kunoichi realized why they were sitting down in the first place. Inoichi, noticing how their eyes drifted towards all of the possible exits, realized that if he wanted to impart his knowledge then he must act fast.

"So, as I was stating earlier, you girls are old enough now to become sexually active"--both girls attempted to melt into the floor--"and you should know how to protect yourself."

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and Ino felt like she could cry from happiness.

On cue, both medics sprinted to the door with an 'I'LL GET IT' thrown over their shoulder to the put-out jounin.

Throwing the door open, Sakura made a hasty retreat--nearly running over the burly jounin who was clearly perplexed at the pink-haired woman's fright.

Ino skidded to a halt and let out an intelligent, 'Um' as she looked over the flower-bearing jounin.

Likewise, Chouji stood stock-still--with his mouth agape--as he took in Ino's appearance.

Rapidly blinking his eyes, Chouji handed his date the bouquet of Irises--which Ino took with a blush.

"So, where are you two lovebirds going for your first date?"

With an 'Eeeep', Ino jumped forward into Chouji's chest.

Turning to glare at her father, she huffed. "Dad, don't scare me like that!"

"Sorry, dear."

"Good evening, Yamanka-san."

"No need for formalities, Chouji."

"Thank you, Inoichi-san."

"You're welcome Chouji. After all, you'll be the father of my grand-babies."

Blushing tomato red, Ino threw the Irises into her fathers chest--demanding that he put them in water--as she grabbed Chouji's large hand and forcefully pulled him away from the doorstep.

Waving, Inoichi shouted his parting words: "Have fun, kids! Remember to use protection! I only want grand-babies AFTER you get married!"

**The funny thing is that I didn't intend to turn this into a crack-fic. Ah, well. That's life! Please review**

**Shameless Publicity: Please check out my first multi-chapter fic, "Crossing the Line" with is primarily KakaSaku but also contains ChoIno.**


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